Sustaining the Jubilee

So after twelve weeks of Jubilee I’m wondering is a whole year of Jubilee really possible?  Part of me feels like it’s time to pick up my Puritan mantle and return to work.  Like being on vacation and feeling it’s time to be getting back now.  I feel the pull.  The desire to pick up all the old expectations and set a few more is stronger than you might think.  I never realized how insistent the little voices in my head could be.  Work hard, eat right, exercise, make a list, don’t let the dust settle, organize stuff, create things, write things, do things, be a good girl, and ye shall be treated justly!

In the Bible it says a year of Jubilee not a season of Jubilee.  The Israelites never got around to taking one.  If they had would it have made a difference now?  Looking at the mega load of projected expectations being flung around in the Middle East I have to wonder.  Working hard without rest can build a wall of pride and hubris so high compassion, forgiveness and joy can’t possibly get in.  Why should it?  Jubilation seems to me to be the direct opposite of judgment.   Ali, ali auction; everyone in free is not part of doing the “right” thing.  Doing the right thing means getting what we deserve.  How wretched would that be? 

Releasing friends, family and perfect strangers from living up to my expectations has been an awesome experience.  Every relationship I have has improved.  Even some relationships that I had assumed were beyond repair have healed themselves.  I take that as a small miracle of grace! 

Refusing to accept the expectations of others still doesn’t feel natural.  I think we are programmed from such an early age to build our identity around the expectations placed on us that it is difficult to extract ourselves from the mix.  What do I expect of myself v. what do parents, spouse or friends expect me to be like.  It’s been an interesting journey and I’m still not there yet. 

I’m trying to placate the voices in my head by telling them that I will pick them up again at the end of the year.  And then I add very quietly so they won’t hear, “if I want to!”