Jubilee Love

What do you mean you have no expectations of your partner?  Does that mean you guys are swingers now?

Not everyone is bold enough to ask me that question out loud but I can tell when they’re heading down that path.  I guess it’s a fair question.  The answer is a big fat NO!  Biblically the Year of Jubilee is about ceasing labor not breaking the law.  In that spirit I think a Year of Jubilee in a marriage is about celebrating not laboring.  But don’t you have to work at a relationship?  I don’t know, do you?  I’ve always heard that you do.

I have to say a marriage without expectations has turned out to be a very sweet affair.   It eliminates so much unnecessary interpersonal tension.  I don’t worry if my partner is pulling his fair share of the load because he’s getting a year off.  I'm taking one off too. Removing unspoken obligations feels great.   Nobody has to do anything – really!  It might sound chaotic but it’s not.  It sort of goes like this – If you’re hungry get something to eat, if you’re running out of clean clothes throw a load in the laundry, if the mess bothers you straighten it, if you need some quiet time say so, if the oil in the car needs to be changed – well maybe you can negotiate a deal on that one.   But asking a partner for a favor is a lot different than expecting them to perform simply because they’re unlucky enough to be in a relationship you.   No fussing, pouting, whining, nagging or emotional blackmail for a whole year!  How does that sound now?

It’ sounds like a party to me!  

Dancing with Gremlins, Hob Goblins & Kill Joys

“I’d like to build the world a home and furnish it with love, grow apple trees and honey bees
and snow white turtle doves…” 

I’ve declared a personal year of Jubilee but the world and I have not joined hands in a dance through the meadows yet.  Not everyone is handing me daisies.  I’ve come to the realization that I am going to have to learn how to dance with a few gremlins, hob goblins and kill joys or this is going to be a very short year. 

I’m starting to get the hang of this monster mash.  It’s not exactly like a waltz.  It’s more like the hokey pokey – you put your right foot in, you take your right foot out. 

It’s a little herky jerky but releasing ‘frenemies’ from my expectations has allowed me to synch up to their rhythms a lot easier.  That means, of course, that we are no longer following my carefully planned and may I add superior choreography, but hey we are bobbing along just the same!  Not accepting their expectations allows me to sit out a dance from time to time as well.  It’s not perfect but it’s working a lot better than I expected. 

This week a friend shared their frustration with a difficult co-worker.  I mentioned the obvious; they probably aren’t going to change.  My friend launched with zeal into all the reasons why this person should change, and how wrong it was for them not to change, and I realized I could be looking in a mirror.  I’ve probably said all those same things a hundred times.  And I’m pretty sure I’ve been right but it’s irrelevant.  Nobody changes because I think they should.  I’m just not that magical but on the other hand, I’m getting better at the two-step!   

Created to Party

I think of Jesus as a party kind of guy.  Not the party line type of guy; the kind of guy who fit right in with a good time.  I’m not sure most Christians see Jesus as the partying type but if you read the gospels without your pious glasses on you see Jesus at a lot of parties.  In fact the religious leaders of the day complained about it.   “Hey look,” they said, “You think this guy is some sort of holy prophet?  Well I have it on good authority that he parties with corrupt financiers and prostitutes.  Yeah!  And he doesn’t even wash his hands!”  I’m paraphrasing of course but I think it’s a good paraphrase. 

I’m not suggesting that Jesus was a debauched hedonist; I’m just saying he was a fun guy.  And whether you were getting married or just throwing a bash for fifty of your closest friends Jesus made the guest list.  Now why would that be?  I have a few theories:

1.       Jesus was fun to have around.  That’s the obvious answer.  You don’t invite the pious snob to your party. 

2.       Jesus partied openly.  You know the Priests and Pharisees partied too.  They just did it secretly.  That’s when it gets creepy.  Jesus didn’t care who saw him at a party.  He wasn’t pious snob or a religious hypocrite. 

3.       And finally, we were created in the first place because it pleased him.  We were created not as servants or robots but as creatures imbued with an entire array of senses for our pleasure.  We touch, we see, we feel, we sing, we laugh.  We were built to party!

If we were a little more up front and a little less uptight about that fact I think we would be a lot less inclined to self-medicate.  Life really is a party!  It’s OK if we enjoy it.